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It’s been almost a month since my last update. Oops? I guess I got distracted. I did actually have a topic to write about three weeks ago but couldn’t figure out how to word it. Now I’ve forgotten that topic. Really should make a list of ideas or something.

So, some of the things I’ve been up to in the last month:

  • Bayliss’s farewell thingy
  • Ivan’s cake birthday thing
  • I went to Australialand! I set up some Nagios and Ansible while I was over there.
  • And went on a train!
  • Then went to a wedding. Where people knew me but I didn’t know them. (Actual conversation that happened with people I was just meeting: Them: “Hi Simon,” Me: “I have no idea who you are,” Them: “Well, we know who you are”)
  • Then spent three nights in staying in a house with people I’ve only met once before. But they like board games and have an adorable kitty and crazy dogs, so was all good.
  • Then back home. Probably spent more time in airports than on planes. Silly domestic flights before international that aren’t connections.
  • Youth group like doubled in size.
  • To finish things up, there was Kiwicon this weekend

So it’s been a rather busy last three weeks. Pretty enjoyable time too.

Somethings I’ve noticed:

  • If I’m having an enjoyable time, I can miss taking my drugs (it took me until just before bedtime to realise and correct that)
  • My body can adjust easy enough to moving the time I take my drugs later
  • It’s not too keen on moving the time 4-6 hours earlier though. Noticed the drowsiness setting in a lot earlier on my return to the country than usual.
  • Small groups of people are usually fine, large groups less so.
  • Small amounts of sleep don’t mix too well with antidepressants.

Aha, I remember the thing I couldn’t word. It’s about being all gushy-feely and having emotions and other weird things.

One of the things I got rather good at was suppressing emotions. This had the benefit of meaning that I could mostly function, with only minor breakdowns every six months or so. It also meant that both my negative and positive emotions were much more subdued.

Then my happy pills started working. Gradually, I stopped suppressing emotions since they were mostly nice ones again. People noticed that I was happier and generally better emotionally than I used to be.

Just like suppressing the negative emotions meant my positive emotions were much more subdued, not needing to suppress emotions has lead to those negative ones being a lot more noticeable when they occur. I’ve noticed I’m now getting frustrated with people a lot more easily and it’s a lot easier for that to turn into resentment. It’s also rather easy for a day to suddenly turn completely sour based on some response that I used to be able to shrug off. I’ve noticed that in response to this, I’m more likely to walk out of situations in which I start to lose control. How normal people manage is beyond me.

That appears to have rambled. I guess a summary is that as a side effect of not needing to be almost constantly suppression emotions, I actually feel them and have no idea what to do.

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It’s been a week since the last post. First, it was too soon to post. Then some LEGO arrived, so I had to finish it before doing anything else. Then my proofreader was away. Those are all over now, so it’s another post time.

This last week has been spent with me mostly being happy, which has been nice. I even managed to do some coding that I enjoyed, including something new I didn’t have to worry about boilerplate for. The Phoenix game yesterday was also rather enjoyable. We’re nowhere near as bad and boring as last season!

Then there was today. Today was the first large amount of sads I’ve had since I started. I don’t particularly know why, but they haven’t particularly gone away yet either. Perviously, when having the massive sads was more normal, I’d be lethargic by about mid-afternoon. That hasn’t happened yet. It’s different to say the least. I’m not entirely sure which I prefer but I do know that I’m glad that this is no longer the norm for me. Drugs, they work!

Questions! That I didn’t answer in a reply-comment! So I’m answering them here! Exclamation mark!

What is it about mornings that makes them more difficult now than before?
The main thing I’ve found is that it takes me longer to be able to start something than it used to, like I’m still waking up rather than being ready to delve deep into something and completely forget to have lunch until 3-ish again. Just makes me feel sluggish.
What colour/s are your pills?
White

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Now that my proofreader’s back, time for another thingy! (Yes, I have a proofreader. The proofreader is going to get paid in chocolate.)

Only a short one, since I’ve got no real idea what to write about this time. It’s been two weeks since I started my medication (I can tell because I finished the first sheet and there’s 14 pills on each sheet) and I’ve noticed three more prominent things:

  • If I don’t take my drugs (because they’re in the lounge, or somewhere else outside of arm’s reach), then it’s really hard to get out of bed;
  • Mornings tend to be harder to get through than the rest of the day (I’m a morning person, they used to be the best bits); and
  • It really helps if I’m doing something I enjoy. The worst periods I’ve had have been while either not doing anything or doing something that’s rather boring.

That’s it! Unless I come up with some inspiration, or have something major happen I feel like sharing, most of my updates are probably going to be like this. This is when you come in. Tell me what you’d like to see or something like that.

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